How do I get rid of my 2-year-old’s tantrums?

Well, let me say…I don’t know if “get rid of” is the right word here. 2-year-olds will be 2-year-olds and…as we all know, people will be people. Have we ourselves not had a few tantrums recently? I know not too long ago, on a trip overseas…I found myself at my whit’s end.

I am in a third-world country. I am pregnant and nauseous.  It is the middle of a winter night. No electricity. No central heating. And, of course…I have the runs. In a mad rush, I have to climb over several sleeping children and a snoring husband. Then I lunge for the door, as I am pretty desperate to get to the bathroom. I am shivering, flashlight in one hand…and suddenly I remember there is no door handle. I have to pull the door open by some clothing hooks attached to the top of the door. I pull hard, by body telling me time is of the essence. I swerve to catch my balance as the hooks fall off the door. Arg!! Now I have no way of opening the door. I cry out and slam my hands against the wooden door.  Tears run down my face. I crumple to the floor. Yes, I am officially having a tantrum.

The beautiful end of this story is that after a few deep calming breaths  I found I could slide my fingers under the door and pull it open, just in time to avoid an accident.  Phew!

All this to say…babies, kids, adults…we all have tantrums. We simply need to figure out how to deal with them. I have a method that works quite well with my little ones. (And sometimes for me!) My two-year-old is an expert tantrum thrower.  Mostly the tantrums have to do with her sisters not giving her something she wants or Mommy saying no to something she asked for. Let’s just say she wants a second cup of juice. Mommy says no.  She begins to howl.  I take a deep breath. (One key is not getting angry or losing self-control. This doesn’t do much good.) I get down to her level and say loudly enough for her to hear over her yelping, “Honey, too much juice is not good for you.  You already had one cup. That is enough. Now…you have a choice. You can either keep screaming and I will have to put you in the bathroom until you calm down. Or you can choose to calm down and you can stay right here with us. Your crying is very loud and it is disturbing the peace here. You are no fun to be with.”*

Typically, my little one will be so out of control, that she is unable to calm herself down.  So, I gently lift her up and take her to the bathroom, set her down on a stool, turn on the light and close the door. As I am leaving her I say very calmly…but again loud enough for her to hear, “Honey, you are welcome to come out of the bathroom as soon as you have self-control and are calm. We will then be happy to have you back with us.”  This is when the magic happens.  Your out-of-control 2-year-old suddenly realizes she has a choice. If she calms down she is out of there. If she keeps crying, she is stuck in the very lonely bathroom all by herself.  Within minutes (if not seconds)…a teary-eyed, but calm girl emerges from the bathroom saying, “Mommy, I done. I calm.”

I give her a big smile and a hug and say,”Wow, great job calming down. You are such a big girl. It is great to have you back out here with us again.” Tantrum has been officially tamed!

*As a side, I have to mention that these are not methods I have come up with on my own. I have gleaned these from a combination of wonderful parenting resources, including Dr. John Rosemond, Danny Silk and the Love and Logic Series.

Image used under Creative Commons license – 12/3/2014  – Flickr User Christine Szeto